The Soldier
by kflem
Summary: Quinn Fabray, ex-soldier now-teacher, is called back into action. Leaving her two sons and wife, Quinn's deployment ends badly while trying to balance her two missions - family and the army. AU! [Change of Penname]
1. The Funeral

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Funeral  
July, 2025

She swore to me that this wouldn't happen.

She promised me when we first got the notification of her re-enlistment that she wouldn't leave us only a flag. And yet she couldn't keep her promise, leaving me and our sons behind. I asked her, I begged her, to put us at the top. All I wanted was for her to not doing anything incredibly stupid because she had a family counting on her to come home.

For six years before I got back in contact with Lucy Quinn Fabray, she was a soldier, working her way through the ranks to become a Sergeant. We grew up together as children but hadn't spoken since we were 18. I moved to New York for NYADA while she was posted in Fort Lee, Virginia. Meeting up in New York years later when she was posted at Fort Hamilton, I reconnected with her and had been for nearly two years when she got the promotion to Sergeant Fabray. After a year as sergeant, Quinn was given the choice to renew her contract – she didn't. She proposed instead. "_I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want it to be a long time. I can't promise you much as a soldier, and so I'm not renewing my contract, but if you want to stay with a high school teacher and be a teacher's wife instead – would you like to spend the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me Rach?_"

My father, Leroy, had told me multiple times that he knew that even if the world couldn't understand how our love worked, he knew it would last the day that Quinn drove five hours to speak to him and my Daddy about permission to marry me. He told me on our wedding day that she turned up, in her army fatigues and a nervous expression on her face, sat my parents down, explained her decision to exit the army for me and, if they would approve, her wish to propose.

Nothing could possibly make me feel better now. I'm missing half of my heart; it's been ripped out and shredded. Reminding me that the woman who did so much for me is gone, leaving me with our two boys who were feeling her absence just as much as I do. I can't allow myself to break under the pressure of losing Quinn. They're counting on me.

The shadows cause the most pain, forcing me to realise exactly how broken she has left me. I never prepared myself for her death because she promised me she would fight and that she would come back to us. I was foolish to believe that she'd be able to control her promises.

I look around the church to see so many faceless people filling it to capacity. Soldiers, friends and family alike had come to pay their respects to my wife. My dead wife. I dry-reach at the thought, it's an automatic response, my subconscious thinking that if I drain my already empty stomach, the bitterness would disappear also. I've been left with the grief crawling further and further into my chest as I try my hardest to remember Quinn smiling in such a way that my knees felt weak and her hazel eyes shined with laughter and happiness as we played with our twin boys.

It hardly seemed possible that one moment we're all living our lives and the next her life has been taken away in the blink of an eye. I kept hoping I'll wake up and I'll be back in my bed, my phone would ring like it did every few days, she'll be on the other end, and all this will have been a bad dream.

My subconscious seems to find this moment to be the best time to pop up and torture me with all the facts. This is all real. That my wife is dead and I'm still alive, trying to make it through without her. She won't just come home one day and things won't miraculously get better.

I grab onto the pew and cry. It hurts too much. I can't breathe properly but that's only half the battle, I still have to struggle through the sheet of vulnerability and grief.

Cooper and Braxton are too busy trying to stay strong and be their Mommy's little soldiers. My chest constricts at the thought of her and the thought of our lives without her.

* * *

Frannie stands up with Santana by her side, one Quinn's biological sister and the other her best friend. Frannie has my wife's, her younger sister's, blonde hair and body shape, however where Quinn's eyes were hazel, Frannie's are blue. They shared many of the same mannerisms too and I wish that my wife was standing up there and not lying in the coffin next to her sister. I thought it was a warm day when I walked into the church, but now all I feel is the slight chill to the air. Goosebumps rose up on my arms and, involuntarily, causes me to shiver.

"When I first got the call from Rachel, I couldn't breathe. My baby sister's body was somewhere overseas and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I couldn't help Quinn and I couldn't help her wife," Frannie breathes out slowly. "My sister joined the army the afternoon of her eighteenth birthday."

She then stops, inhaling sharply, looking down at my two boys. I was sure all she could see is her sister, their Mommy, in them. She's the only one I can see in them since I've gotten the phone call – her eyes, her smile, her sense of humour, her walk, and her talk. Next to me they sit tall and proud in their suits, their Mommy's medals hanging proudly on their chests.

"I always thought it was to annoy our parents to begin with, mainly our father, but then again defending her country and doing it from the front lines was something that Quinn was born to do," I only hear her continue because I'm back to staring at my wife's coffin. "She was the stubborn one as a child who followed all the rules and reported to Mom and Dad when I wasn't behaving 'as a Fabray should'. Her favourite toys as a kid were her swords, army guns, and bows-and-arrows, something that really ate at our father. I remember for one of my birthdays she was the most skilled at paintball and laser tag, showcasing her talents. Everyone wanted Quinn on their team."

Santana takes over, letting Frannie step back and take a few deep breaths. "Quinn left the army years ago for her wife, Rachel, and the dream to have a family with kids that wouldn't be called 'army brats' at school. The respect I had for my best friend was immense, especially when she changed careers to give a sense of normality to her family. The love between Quinn and Rachel has always been immense, I've been seeing it for years, and I see it in Cooper and Braxton when they tell me 'Mommy is helping to save the world and make life better for everyone'. I can hear Quinn every time those boys explain to someone where their Mommy is and what she's doing."

Everyone in the church holds their breath as Santana continues. "I will miss my best friend who was the little blonde girl who helped me beat up anyone who was mean to my wife; I will miss the woman who was giddy with excitement when she rang to tell me that she and Rachel were getting married; I will miss the woman who walked out of the delivery room doors with a son in each arm, tears of happiness rolling down her face; but most of all, I will miss the woman with the huge smile and loving nature that tried to spend as much time with her two sons and wife because she loved them so much. I'll continue to look after them Q, I love you."

Santana moves to the side, letting Frannie speak again as she's taken back control of her emotions. "Quinn and I may not have been close for a while in her teenage years, but I'm glad that I got the opportunity to get to know my little sister again once she was an adult and joined the army because I'm proud to say that Sergeant Lucy Quinn Fabray was my sister. She's the kind of person I want to be," Frannie finishes before kissing the tips of her fingers and dropping them to the coffin that holds her sister.

* * *

Braxton and Cooper spoke to Santana and my fathers about their Mommy's song. The song they were talking about was my wife's unit's song they listened to on repeat. Before deployment it was often heard around the house. The twins had learnt the lyrics to the chorus by the time they were three. I've always been glad that's all they worked out – the swearing wasn't something I wanted them to repeat, particularly to other children. It was hard listening to two little voices singing "_it's ten percent luck; twenty percent skill; fifteen percent concentrated power of will; five percent pleasure; fifty percent pain; and a hundred percent reason to remember the name_" around the house when their Mommy was overseas brought a lot of late nights of tears and nightmares.

Fort Minor's "Remember the Name" plays through the church, with the song being more instrumental where the swearing should be. As it finishes and the last few notes play across the church, Cooper grabs his brother's hand and leads Braxton up to speak.

"Mama says that Mommy is protecting us from heaven now and I know she'll be the bestest soldier God will ever have because she was awesome," Cooper croaks out with Braxton, his eyes downcast, trying his hardest to stand tall next to him. "We love you, Mommy, and we promise to look after Mama until we can see you again."

The boys take a step back and salute to their Mommy. To my right, I hear Quinn's mother and Brittany break down, Santana inhale deeply, and Frannie let out a small cry. My own fathers are with Frannie's husband, Frannie's three children, Kurt, Blaine, their two children, and Brittany and Santana's three children in the row behind me and I can hear some of their sobs.

I will never forget the pain we caused our two little boys after she got the phone call. It was a day or two after the official letter turned up, I guess she was trying to pretend it wasn't real. I didn't react well, running to hide in our bedroom. Quinn followed me after sending the boys to the lounge room to play, finding me curled up in a ball crying. The boys ended up hearing us talking and assumed I was sending away Quinn. They both called Santana in tears, trying to see if "_Aunty Tana could use the law to save Mommy_".

I only wish that somehow Santana could have used the law to save Quinn from being called back into action, then I wouldn't be sitting in a church blocking out the priest's words as I hold onto Braxton and Cooper, praying that my only living reminder of my wife won't get taken from me like Quinn was.

She was supposed to come back to me, come back to her sons. None of us wanted her to go.

* * *

A/N: I have a few more chapters. It'd be good to know what you guys are thinking.


	2. The Letter

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

* * *

Chapter 2: The Letter  
January, 2023

She forced her eyes to re-read the letter that she clenched in her hands. Unseeing dark hazel eyes skimmed across the page again. It couldn't be right. She didn't want it to be right. She had fought so hard to get away from that job, that life she once had. There wasn't a way she could deny reading the exact same words six times. The same five words jumped from the page and into her face.

…_called back to active duty…_

She gave them just under nine years of her life, she completed duty after duty, and she was able to retire from the army with many awards for her service. Why was she suddenly being called back? It didn't make sense. They swore to her. They promised once she was gone, she wouldn't have to come back. She knew that if her life wasn't where it was – she'd be happy to go back – but things change. She had two little boys who depended on her and she had a wife who would be crushed by the news.

She signed up early, on the afternoon she turned 18, and spent more time overseas then not while enlisted. She trained hard and threw herself into army life. Others her age were at college and partying, or beginning work, and some were even settling down and starting families. As a Private Officer she continued to do her duty, being promoted slowly to Private First Class. A few years later and more time deployed and she became a Specialist.

By the time she was honourably discharged she was Sergeant Lucy Quinn Fabray.

… _the Special Forces Unit have chosen you due to your years of service and successes you had while in the United States of America Army…_

All she wanted is to tear up the letter and get back to sorting her lesson plans while the boys played in the lounge room. Teaching teenagers was no where near as petrifying as being reenlisted and back in action. Being a teacher at the local school means she could be with the boys every morning and every afternoon, and be there to put them to bed. Before she was left, she seriously considered the special operations community, but she knew that if she wanted to marry Rachel, she couldn't still be in the army. A year into marriage and they became mothers. Every night, without fail, she would lay the boys down and start to read whatever book has become their favourite and most loved. The old Mr Men and Little Miss series were always on hand in case they were being particularly difficult and hard to settle. How would she be able to read to her little boys if she was off as a member of some Special Forces Unit?

What didn't make sense was that the commonly known way to join the special operations units was to be an active soldier at the beginning of the process, and Quinn definitely wasn't an active solider – she hadn't been for four years. Another thing unusual was that it was also required for the active soldier to have three years left of service to join the special operations community, another factor Quinn couldn't check off. She was, however, a U.S. citizen; she was sure she could still score at least 229 on the physical fitness test – she would have been at level of fitness as a Cheerio all those years ago – and she knew that if still enlisted, she would be eligible for "SECRET" security clearance. When she was discharged, Quinn could complete the swimming component and she definitely had the general technical score to pass, so maybe they for her old records to be assessed.

The only thing going through her head was that they must be desperate for soldiers if they were reenlisting an ex-soldier without prior notice.

… _You will report to Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, North Carolina for initial "catch-up" training, where a mandatory psychology evaluation will also be carried out…_

With a deep breath, Quinn ran a hand through her blonde hair, finally at a happy length where she could look at it and not see her old army hairstyle. Nothing can explain the joy when, at long last, one could grow their hair out and style in a way that they wanted. Quinn knew plenty of old army buddies who kept the army haircut as they didn't know any different, but she was one of the ones who moved on from the army lifestyle as soon as the chance presented itself. She just wanted to be a normal person again, not Sergeant Fabray.

"Catch-up" training scared her more than she'd ever admit, even to whoever was stuck completing her psych eval. She only ever visited Fort Bragg for a day or two at a time when she was required to give "inspirational" talks to first-time deployments. It was one of the forts she had to visit on the never-ending list. It was a result of the awards she was presented with after a particularly hard deployment. She didn't remember anything specific about Fort Bragg without trying as the trip was a blur, although she assumed the layout was probably exactly the same as every other military base on American soil.

… _After four (4) months at Fort Bragg, it is planned that you will be relocated to Fort Hamilton in New York City, New York for further training and then final orders before deployment…_

She'd be away from her wife for 4 months, the four months that soldiers would normally take to finally get used to the idea of being deployed away from loved ones. Why didn't she get the same treatment? Why did she have to be away from her family straight away? At least she would be brought back to New York for the final training stages, that way her family could stay in their family home.

Neither one of her boys coped well in the past when she hadn't been there for bedtime, although she couldn't see many three-year-olds reacting well. Cooper and Braxton were her children, her only children. Relocating herself away from her family seemed like an excellent way to get her sent to sleeping on the couch while the other three people in the house stayed angry at her. Quinn searched her brain for any kind of knowledge she had of Fort Bragg, finally settling on old information stored there from long ago. She remembered that Fort Bragg wasn't even the largest base in the country; however it was home to the 82nd Airborne Division and Special Ops units – making that the only logical reason for Quinn to be sent there.

… _Sergeant Fabray, your success as a soldier has been of great importance while we made this decision, and we also wish to pass along our sympathies for being taken from your family without prior notification…_

Quinn had earned a lot during her years as a soldier, and shortly she would be able to add being apart of the Green Berets to her list. Something told Quinn that her President's Hundred Tab and Expert Marksmanship Badge were the main two reasons the letter turned up on her doorstep. And she now there was a possibility that Braxton and Cooper would wear them at her funeral if the deployment didn't go as planned.

For the last Veterans Day, Braxton had asked whether she had any medals, grabbing Cooper's attention away from the dogs and his cousins. It ended with everyone listening in as she tried to explain why she was awarded the Medal of Honour, the Overseas Service Ribbon, the Distinguished Service Medal, and the Valorous Unit Award. Quinn had never tried explaining what her time in the army was like to little kids. She couldn't even show all the medals or explain what they were for because it was impossible to censor the reason she got it.

After censoring many stories, explanations and details, she didn't think she'd ever try to explain it again to anyone under the age of 15.

… _In a few days time, you should receive a phone call to sort out the final details…_

The only thing Quinn could focus on was that none of her family members would be pleased the letter turned up either.

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will also be in the past.


	3. The Phonecall

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

A/N: Sorry for the delay - my laptop completely died and wiped itself clean and recovery was a very slow and tortuous process. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 3: The Phone Call

January, 2023

Watching the little blonde head fall to the ground under the weight of Ajax's, the Border Collie puppy's, nose in the blonde's chest, Rachel heard her wife throw their home phone and scream "_Shit!_", alerting her to the fact that Quinn had moved to the kitchen from the study.

Rachel had known Quinn long enough to realise that when she was in a mood or trying to figure something out it was best to let her come than to go looking straight away. Giving Quinn even a little bit of time could do a world of good.

"_For fuck's sake!_" came another cry.

The other boy, the brunette, looked up from his place in the sandpit with Mack, their German Shepherd. "That's a dollar in the jar."

"I know, Coop," Rachel sighed, "I'll remind Mommy later." The army had done many good things for Quinn – her swearing was not one of them, although the twins enjoyed the money they received due to her bad habit. When their Aunty Tana was visiting, money rained down into her sons' jar, keeping them happy. After every visit, Rachel would take the two boys to the toy store to spend their 'winnings'. Their Uncle Puck may have been the worst curser in high school and during college, however he had trained himself not swear with young children around – something for which Rachel was grateful, especially towards Puck's fiancée who managed it.

The creak of the backdoor grabbed the attention of both boys and both dogs. All four heads turned, but no bodies moved.

"Mommy! Mommy!" called Cooper, "You owe us a dollar!"

Quinn nodded and ran a hand through her blonde hair. By the look of Quinn's hair, Rachel was positive Quinn had been stressing. "Of course. Sorry kiddo."

Braxton kept his eyes on his Mommy, unlike Cooper who went straight back to playing. Rachel had always been, and probably always would be, in awe at how twins could be so opposite, yet so similar.

Quinn placed a quick kiss to her wife's forehead before she moved down to the backyard from the veranda. Braxton and Ajax jumped up to run towards her, Ajax nudging Braxton along. As soon as Braxton was close enough he jumped into her outstretched arms, Quinn swung him around with Ajax yapping at her feet before she gently placed him back on his own two feet. "Hey Brax," she whispered, "you playing fetch?"

Braxton nodded and walked back to where he and Ajax were playing before she emerged from the house. Quinn watched him go before moving towards his twin, ruffling Cooper's hair and kissing the crown of his head. She then made her way back to her wife, as if she just had to check the boys were still there. It was a habit Quinn started when the boys were a lot younger, kissing and hugging them both whenever she saw them, as if they would disappear at a moments notice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rachel asked as Quinn made her way next to her, "or are we pretending you didn't throw the phone or swear?"

Rachel hated coming off like a bitch, but she knew Quinn would retreat within herself, so far that it would take forever for her to open up and explain what was going on. She had given Quinn the time to come to her, now it was her job to push Quinn into telling her and make sure it wouldn't get buried.

* * *

It took another 15 minutes of Rachel watching her wife keeping an eye on their two boys before Quinn even moved an inch. From the back pocket of her jeans came an envelope, she twirled it in her fingers a few times before passing it silently to Rachel. The U.S. Army symbol stood out on the white envelope and Rachel's stomach plummeted. She was glad that when she and Quinn got very serious, Quinn had made the decision to leave the army, meaning that there was never any chance that a soldier would turn up on her doorstep with a solemn expression and letter notifying her of Quinn's death.

"D-do I w-want to read this?"

Quinn shrugged, refusing to turn around or answer verbally.

Rachel pulled the letter from the envelope and opened it slowly, trying to prepare herself for whatever was writing on it. She re-read the letter three times before jumping up and running into the house. The slam of the screen door alerted everyone outside to Rachel's absence.

"Mama?" asked Braxton softly.

Quinn sighed and stood slowly. "Come on boys, lets go inside to play and I'll find Mama, yeah?"

Cooper, with Mack on his heels, dropped what he was doing and ran back up the veranda and into the house. Braxton, on the other hand, moved slowly from the grass. Quinn held the door open and waited patiently for him to make his way up from the yard. She watched Braxton take Ajax into the lounge room with Cooper and Mack, wishing she could go sit with them for a while before she went to find Rachel, but she knew that Rachel needed her first.

* * *

The walk from the lounge room, where she left the two boys with the dogs, to her room took longer than before. She could see herself moving in with Rachel; she could see Rachel waddling around the house 8 months pregnant; she could see her and Rachel bringing the twins home for the first time; she could see the twins' birthday parties; and she could see random days and nights with her family.

When she got to her bedroom, Quinn could see Rachel curled up on her side, her body shaking from the tears as she clutched one of Quinn's pillows. It hurt Quinn to see what the letter had done to her wife.

"Rach? Baby, talk to me," she whispered as she made her way onto the bed.

She climbed in next to Rachel and wrapped herself around her wife, holding her as she cried.

"You have to go back?" stuttered Rachel through her tears.

Quinn rolled Rachel over gently, curling her wife into her chest. "I don't want to, but I don't have a choice."

Lying in silence, Rachel thought back to Glee Club and her relationship with Quinn then. Fast forward about eight years and Quinn was a few months from being discharged and ready to begin her studies to become a teacher. It was interesting watching Quinn's transformation from a decorated soldier to a high school teacher, especially with memories of Quinn as a high school kid herself constantly floating around. Rachel always knew Quinn was special, even when they were in school together, she just didn't realise as a child that she would grow up to love her.

"I always knew I would be your wife," Rachel whispered, trying not to break the silence too badly, "I just never knew I'd be your army wife."

Quinn inhaled deeply. "And I really wish you didn't have to be, just like I don't want my kids to be called 'army brats', but I can't control this."

"Then we have to discuss the fact that for the next few years you're going to be the Army's bitch and whether we follow you wherever they put you," wondered Rachel, watching Quinn's face to see her reaction.

Quinn gave nothing away and took another deep breath before speaking. "I want you to know that I don't want to be a soldier again. I want to be a mother and a wife and a teacher. Not Sergeant Fabray. I spent so many years as Soldier Fabray, and Solider Fabray wants to be retired and to never go back into fire again."

Rachel turned her head to get the best view of her wife and wondered what happened to the carefree high school teacher she had been living with. Quinn had only just been re-enlisted and already she was talking and thinking like a sergeant. Soon Quinn's soft face and light hearted smiles would be gone, replaced with the scowls and straight faces that Rachel had memorised from their years at school together, as well as from when she first reconnected with, and then dated, Quinn. Shortly, her wife's hair would be cut back to the army's required hairstyle and instead of jeans and thongs she'd wear the army fatigues.

"Don't think that means I won't fight," Quinn spoke up quickly. "I will fight to come back to my family. I will not come back in a box and leave you with only a flag."

_That was the first lie Quinn told me that would eventually crumble our family._

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will be Present.


	4. The Twins

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

* * *

Chapter 4: The Twins  
August, 2025 (Present)  
Cooper P.O.V

I never thought that when Mommy came home she'd be in a box and that there wouldn't be any kisses or cuddles – that I wouldn't even be able to see her face again. The people on the television say she's 'home' now and yet when Brax and I go into Mama and Mommy's room, Mommy isn't there holding Mama as she sleeps – she's lying in a box in the ground at some place.

She told us she would do everything to come home; that when her deployment finished she would take us on a holiday for a week. It was just going to be just us – Mommy, Mama, Braxton and me, but instead we have Aunty Tana and Aunty Britt, Uncle Kurt and Uncle Blaine, Aunty Frannie and Uncle Robert, Nana and Grandad, Pop and Farvie, and all of our cousins constantly hovering around, waiting for us to turn up like Mama – crying and screaming for Mommy all the time.

Mama has been crying a lot more since Mommy became a soldier again. I don't remember her ever crying before Mommy became 'Sergeant Fabray' again. She cried the day Mommy got the letter and phone call, she cried when Mommy and she told us that Mommy would be leaving for training, she cried whenever we saw Mommy on the computer, she cried when Mommy left the country to save people, she cried so much when we found out Mommy wouldn't be coming back to us, and she's been crying ever since.

I can hear Mama crying now, Aunt Frannie is with her and Aunty Britt. Me and Brax get the rest of the family outside with us. Braxton is sitting in Uncle Kurt's lap in the sandpit while Coen, Jannali and Allegra play with our toys. Uncle Robbie and Uncle Blaine are keeping an eye on Josh, Jimmy, Hannah, Jorge and Xavier who are playing different games around the yard.

I'm hiding in the corner near Mommy's study and Mama and Mommy's bedroom window. Aunty Tana has been sitting next to me for a pretty long time but we haven't said anything to each other yet. I don't know why I'm scared of the silence, but I want her to say something, anything, to make me forget that Mama is crying out for Mommy.

A loud wail echoes through the backyard and I fist my hand, trying to think about anything other the pain Mama is feeling. She's been so much worse since the funeral and the place where they buried Mommy.

I can feel Aunty Tana staring at me. "Are you angry, Coop?"

Looking at my feet, I nod a tiny bit. I'm unsure how she'll react and I don't want her to be upset with me. I broke lots of toys because I always feel like yelling and hitting things. I don't want to be in a house with no Mommy and just a sad Mama. I want a happy Mama because Mommy was home.

"It's okay to be angry buddy," she whispers and pulls me onto her lap and wraps her arms around me. It's not as good as when Mommy or Mama do it but she's my godmother so it's close, "as long as it's for the right reason, or towards the right person or thing. You can't just be angry at anyone for no reason, like being angry at your Mommy. You can't be angry at her because I know Q and we all know she would have fought with every ounce in her body to come back to you guys, just like you can't be angry at your Mama for going completely crazy without your Mommy because she's loved her for most of her life and she is having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that your Mommy won't walk through the front door with a smile on her face."

I try to bury myself in her neck and sob. "I know and I'm not angry at them. It's not their fault. I'm angry at the person who killed Mommy, and the people who look at me with sad eyes and say it'll be better soon."

Aunty Tana just holds me and takes deep breaths. I think she's asleep until she holds me a little tighter. "Your Mommy was a proud soldier Cooper and I think we all know she took a lot of pride being Sergeant Fabray. But she took more pride in being your Mommy – you were her life, and unfortunately that comes with the fact that it won't get better soon because no one here knows how anything can be 'better' without Q."

This is why Aunty Tana is the best grown up to speak to about this, she talks to us like we're adults and tells the truth. That, and she's my godmother so she's always been good to talk to. I don't like it when people act like Braxton and me are babies. All the teachers at school and lots of adults we saw after Mommy went to training thought we were little babies or tiny kids who should have been with her at Fort Bragg.

But we never followed Mommy to where she did the first bit of training. Fort Bragg was a fair bit away from our home and our lives. Mama and Mommy spoke about it all the time when they thought me and Braxton were asleep or too busy playing to be paying attention.

"_Don't families follow the soldier?" sniffed Rachel, she couldn't see herself taking three months from work to go to another state for Quinn's training. But then again, she couldn't see herself being away from her wife, especially so close to her deployment. There had been so many deaths of soldiers overseas that she had no idea if Quinn would ever return to her._

_Quinn shrugged. "Sure, I've seen plenty of families follow, but the boys are comfortable here, you have work and it is only three months. Do you think I want to relocate the boys when they'll already hate me for going back and I'll be back here before I'm deployed?"_

_Rachel didn't know how to respond to her wife's answer. She had no idea if the boys would hate Quinn for going back. At their age she'd be surprised if they realised that their mother being a soldier again meant she would be leaving them._

I wanted to follow Mommy, so did Brax even though he told me he didn't want Mommy being a soldier in the first place. I changed my mind after a little while though, even if I was mad and upset when we first saw her face on the computer and I was dying to beg her to come home. Brax and me sat on Mama's lap and she cried into our backs for most of the talk, but seeing Brax touch the computer screen as if he could touch Mommy's face like he usually did when they spoke to one another really hurt the inside of my chest. I couldn't breathe properly for a while.

Braxton never liked her leaving us for training, or being sent away from us to another country. It was when she was killed so she would never come home properly that he got really upset and sad. And he was right in the end. I've never liked the sad eyes people look at us with because she's gone forever either.

* * *

Aunty Tana's voice pulls me from the memories. "Cooper, your Mommy gave me a few things when she left for overseas. I have an iPod for you with recordings from Q. Her reading the Harry Potter series because it was her favourite, a few hundred other bedtime stories, a letter for now and a few password-protected ones for when I think you're old enough and ready to hear them, some songs she recorded for you, a playlist or two, videos and photos. She wanted me to help you remember her and the mother she was."

She pulls a black iPod from her pocket and places it in my hand after finding the right audio file.

Mommy's voice filters through the headphones.

_Your life will never be the same again if you're listening to my voice now Cooper, and I'm so sorry that your Aunty Tana had to deliver this to you. I don't know the details of what happened to me that stopped me coming home to you, your brother and your Mama, but don't ever doubt that I didn't fight for you – because I would have. I would have done absolutely everything to return to our family._

_Braxton and your Mama told me, again and again, that they didn't want me to go and that they were scared of what would happen to me. But you never did. I know you wanted to and yet, even at the age of 5, you are growing too fast and are mature way beyond your years. I want you to remember though, no matter what happens, being weak doesn't mean you aren't strong and showing people what you're feeling isn't necessarily a bad thing. You don't always have to be the strong one, either. You and Braxton, my two little boys, are so different and so similar and I want you to look after him as he'll look after you because he is the only brother you've got, just as you are his. And while I'm not there, you still have a Mama who will always be there for you._

_I know we've been forced into a goodbye here, and I don't think you will ever know how much the thought of leaving you pains me. You're listening to this, and it makes me wish I wasn't a soldier for your sake. That's why I left it before I married your Mama Cooper, because I wanted a family with your Mama and I didn't want you to grow up without a mother. I didn't want my children to have to go through the hell that comes with a missing parent._

_There have been a few really memorable moments in my life. The most important are the ones with our family – marrying your Mama, your birth and watching you grow – but a lot also involve our extended family, your grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and everyone else. Many aren't blood related to us, yet they love you like they are and that is all that matters. They will all help your Mama with you boys now that I'm not there._

_I want you to remember I don't care who grow up to be as long as you acknowledge and know deep in your heart that you're my son and I'm your Mommy. I know that as times goes on bits and pieces of me will disappear from your memory, don't be scared buddy because I'll still be with you, because Braxton will be going through the same thing, and because your Mama can and will do everything to help you remember me._

_Even though I'm gone, you'll still think of me. Sometimes it'll be good thoughts, others bad, but I'm your Mommy, and I always will be. Nothing you do, say or think during your life will change that._

_Promise me that you will be whoever you want to do and you won't anyone ever break your spirit. They aren't worth the worry, and in the end your happiness is the most important thing. You are strong Cooper Santiago and I love you. Nothing will ever change the love I have for you, Braxton or Mama. Be strong baby boy, I'll wait for you all here and in many years I'll see you again._

There are a few moments of the silence of Mommy's breathing before she speaks again.

_Use this to remember the sound of my voice and who I am to you. I love you beautiful boy._

* * *

A/N: And that's Chapter 4 done! The next chapter, 'The Family Reaction' is a chapter in the Past.  
Review and let me know how you're liking it._  
_


	5. The Family Reaction

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

A/N: This chapter is in the past when Quinn let her extended family know about her re-recruitment, focusing mainly on Santana's reaction and feelings on her matter.

* * *

Chapter 5: The Family Reaction  
January, 2023 (Past)

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Santana swore in Spanish, pacing up and down her friend's back veranda. All their children were playing down in the backyard, although both Cooper and Braxton had been clingier then usual, coming up to both their parents every twenty-to-thirty minutes and checking they were both there. Santana had asked what the deal with the twins calling her in tears nights before about how their Mommy and Mama were fighting, while Quinn thought that was a good a time as any to let their family know her new re-enlistment, Santana's reaction wasn't proving her right.

To explain the letter and phone call, Quinn also had to explain how Braxton and Cooper had heard Quinn and Rachel discussing the letter and phone call, and had immediately assumed the worst when they discussed Quinn moving to Fort Bragg for training. Cooper had been the mastermind behind the plan to hide in their cupboard and call their Aunty Tana for help, but it was Braxton who seemed the most upset at the thought of losing their Mommy.

Santana had called Rachel's mobile on her own just after Quinn had ran through all the rooms in the house and both the front and back yards in a quick check. Rachel was following, trying to keep her cool, and re-checking all the usual hidey holes. Quinn believed her exact words were _"Is there a reason why I have two crying nephews on the phone telling me that their Mama is getting rid of their Mommy?"_. Rachel had to tell Santana that Quinn would explain in the next few days when the whole extended families came to theirs for a BBQ because she couldn't get her wife to let go of their boys for hours that night.

The group of adults were in shock while Quinn watched her best friend get angrier and angrier. Rachel moved to be beside her wife while Santana let it rip.

"Why didn't you say 'no'? Or how about 'fuck off'?" Santana whisper-yelled, hoping to keep the kids oblivious to what the adults had begun arguing about. "You didn't even ask me to try to find a loophole – you're resigning yourself to it happening!"

It was Santana's words that snapped everyone out of their states. Judy stood up to show her concern, which she seemed to only stress Quinn more.

"Mom, don't!" snapped Quinn, keeping her eyes locked on her best friend. "Don't worry about me, I need you to worry and care for your daughter-in-law and grandsons."

Judy looked ready to argue, but was beaten to the punch by Santana.

"Why don't you not go and look after them yourself?" she snarled sarcastically.

Quinn glared and swore at her best friend. "Don't hold back S, tell me what you want me to do, and then explain how I can get out of it without going to prison? I can't do much here Santana. I'm just trying to get my sons to understand and my wife to trust that I'll do everything to come home!"

Rachel grabbed her wife's hand and pulled Quinn back so she was half moulded into Rachel's body. She wasn't going to get into the argument with Santana, but she would definitely give Quinn her support in the matter. They had further thought about and spoken about what was going to become of their lives, and how their extended family would react. By the look of the fury in Santana's eyes, they had underestimated her feelings on the matter.

She watched as Brittany tried to grab the attention of her own wife and calm her down so the kids wouldn't come looking to see what they were all arguing about, while next to them Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and stayed awfully quiet, highlighting to Rachel how shocked and upset they were by the news. It was her own two dads that made her spirit crumble though. They were in tears already, knowing how hard it was going to be for their daughter and how hard their daughter-in-law had it to get out when she did for the family she and Rachel wanted.

"You aren't even trying Q," Santana spat out, "you're just happy for it to happen and to get us to understand. Well I don't want to understand – I did enough of that when you first joined – I want you to fight it!"

Brittany grabbed hold of Santana's arm and sat her down to keep the little eyes and ears away from them. She had noticed Cooper, Jimmy and Josh staring up at the adults on the veranda. "Be quiet, S. They know we're arguing."

All the adults looked down to the backyard to see most of their kids looking back up at them. Josh, Jimmy and Cooper were beginning to walk up the stairs to see what's going on, and as soon as Robert noticed, he kissed his wife's hand and jogged down to cut them off. Quinn was happy when she met Robert because she somehow knew he'd be really good for her sister, and then his decision to cut the kids off showed her how much he understood what was going on and what was going to happen shortly.

Santana watched Robert cut the boys off, waited a few moments, and then spoke. "You haven't fully made us 'understand' yet, Fabray. Or are you going to concede that I'm right? You're too soft to fight it?"

"I only told you _some_ of that I had to do during my other tours and you think I'm '_soft_'?!" Quinn spat angrily, she was not at all pleased with her friend's attitude now. She could feel the tension radiating from her wife behind her and could see that most of the other adults on the veranda were of her opinion – Santana was going too far. "I don't have a choice here S, and yet you can't seem to see that at all. All you can see is that I'm going – I know I'm going Santana, it's no surprise! But I have two sons who want their Mommy to come back and so I will spend the next four-ish months training myself in the best way possible so I can come back to them. I don't care if you hate the fact that I enlisted when I was 18 because at the time it was the best thing for me to do. And I loved the years I spent as a soldier before I got my own family!"

Breathing heavily, Quinn took a few steps forward to emphasise her next words. "Don't think this means that I'm happy that I've been called back to active duty without any warning. I'm not. I'm about to become the Army's bitch again and this time it's not just my life that's affected. It's my wife's and my sons' lives. It's my nieces' and nephews', friends', sister's, brother-in-law's, mother's, fathers-in-laws'! S, everyone's lives are being affected because I'm an Army bitch again!"

In the silence after Quinn's statements, Rachel moved to be closer to her wife again, the tears flowing freely. It only took a second or two before Quinn gathered Rachel in her arms and held her tight. She didn't look down at Rachel, who was busy burying her face into Quinn's shoulder; instead Quinn looked at the looks of shock on everyone else's faces, including Santana's.

"This is bullshit," whispered Santana gently, "but you have to know that this is killing all of us now too."

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and tried to pull her back down to her seat but Santana wasn't having any of it. Although she may not have been as angry anymore, she was still upset. She turned to leave and swore under her breath.

Quinn could see Santana needed time to think it over and knew she had to try again to explain to her friend. "I need you, as my best friend, as my maid of honour, as my son's godmother, to understand. I don't want this but its happening and I'd like your support because not only am I going to need it, but so will our families."

Santana turned slowly and looked at how defeated her friend looked. "Just come home." And she walked out.

* * *

A/N: And that is chapter 5. I'm unsure whether the next chapter is past or present, and while I have some idea where this going, I'm not 100% sure. Let a review if you wish (I mean, I want you to, but this isn't a "gun-to-your-head" type of situation).


	6. The Father-in-Law

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

A/N: I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! It's been hectic over the holidays, especially after visiting family and then going away for the National Titles.

* * *

Chapter 6: The Father-in-Law  
August, 2025 (Present)  
Hiram Berry's P.O.V

Lucy Quinn Fabray became my daughter-in-law on the 13th of April 2019. On that day I, along with my husband, became her father. Her own had been the worst kind of role model, warping the image she held of a happy family. Knowing that she wanted to be the kind of parent her own father wasn't meant that Quinn knew, in a nutshell, the type of parent she wanted to be. Yet acknowledging the fact that you want to be an affectionate mother unlike your own cold father doesn't make being a parent easier.

Although seeing Quinn with Cooper and Braxton took all my worries away – she is-was(_**damnit, remember!**_) an amazing mother and those boys will miss out on so much without her in their lives now.

Our crazy big family, including all the add-ons like Santana, Brittany, Kurt, Blaine and such, didn't take the news of Quinn's re-enlistment as well as we took their engagement and parenthood. The news of Quinn and Rachel starting their family brought happy tears and excitement, whereas hearing that Quinn was being forced back into the army when she had two young boys and a young wife caused anger and yelling. Santana vocalised what everyone was feeling, shouting at Quinn to fight and come home, however I have never doubted that Quinn would do everything in her power to come back to the woman and sons she adored.

I expected it to be Santana who would vocalise everybody's thoughts when we finally got the news that Quinn was killed in action and would be returning home to us in a coffin. I was wrong. It was Brittany and Rachel who screamed and shouted and begged and prayed.

I would have bet my house that my daughter would have retreated into herself straight away, and in a way I'm glad she didn't because we can at least see some of what she's feeling. I may have been the daddy who was there for her, the one who always came through if she needed us, the one who wiped the tears while Leroy loaded the shot gun, the one who organised the birthdays, the one who kissed the boo-boos after Leroy picked her up, the one who drove to New York during a Saturday afternoon and night when she called in tears saying she missed our Sunday brunches, but I haven't been able to do anything for the pain my daughter is going through since she lost her wife.

Every father worries about their child when they tell you about a serious relationship. I was never any different. Rachel told her Papa and me about her girlfriend Quinn who was in the Army about a month after they started dating if I remember correctly. I never made the connection that this woman she was dating was Quinn Fabray, the cheerleader who bullied my daughter, not until it was pointed out to me and by then I probably should have realised. And yet, I never thought I'd have to be one of the fathers that worries about losing their daughter-in-law, even with her involvement in the army. We all thought she was retired from action and that was that, instead I have buried my daughter-in-law, am having trouble reaching my distraught daughter, have been trying to look after my two grandsons while holding onto my own pain from losing Quinn.

* * *

I turn to the lounge room where Judy has both boys next to her on the couch. Braxton has his thumb in his mouth, something I was so sure he had grown out of, while Cooper is staring at the wall. I know my two grandsons feel like they're losing both mothers with Quinn's death and Rachel's inability to believe that it's really happened.

When Judy Fabray came to me all those years ago, asking for a bit of help and information on how to help her youngest daughter accept her sexuality, I never thought I'd be the one to hold her as we lowered Quinn into the ground, tears rolling down our cheeks, and I definitely didn't think we'd be thinking up plans to get Rachel to snap out of her spiral of depression to look after her sons.

With one last look at my grandsons, I move down the hallway to the master bedroom where Leroy is trying to talk some sense into our daughter. I relieve him and make my way to her bed. She's still curled up in one of Quinn's shirts, holding onto one of her pillows. I'm so glad to see that the tears seemed to have stopped for a while.

'Rachel, baby?' I call out, hoping for some kind of acknowledgment.

Silence greets me as I sit down on the edge of her bed.

Going over the discussion I had with Judy in my head, I open my mouth to speak. I'm surprised when Rachel speaks first.

'She told me that when she travelled to see you and Papa it was the scariest day of her life up to that very moment,' mumbles Rachel into the pillow. 'She told me that she was so scared you'd say no and crush her dreams. Did you know that she had the ring already in her pocket at that stage?'

I didn't and I think Rachel knows this so I don't reply. When Quinn Fabray came to see Leroy and I, dressed in her army uniform yet looking like a petrified first boyfriend meeting the parents, asking for our daughter's hand in marriage, I knew a lot of things.

I knew it was hard for Rachel as the daughter of two gay men. I knew that her marrying a woman was going to make it worse because of the bigots. I knew that Rachel was in love with the soldier. I knew that the soldier standing in my doorway was planning to leave the army for my daughter and if that wasn't an honest declaration of love, I had no idea what was. I knew that I could trust Quinn to look after my baby girl as she had been for a while at that stage. And I gave my blessings, happy to welcome Quinn into our family.

I pull myself from my memories and wait to see if Rachel is going to speak again.

* * *

It takes a few moments before I realise she isn't going to talk.

'You lost your wife Rach,' I start, 'and to be honest I don't ever want to go through the pain you're feeling. But you have two little boys who think they've lost two mothers out there.'

I run a hand through my own dark hair, noticing I need a hair cut. 'It will _always_ hurt knowing that the woman you love is gone and I won't pretend otherwise because that'll make it worse, however I am your father and you have always come to me to tell you the truth – and here it is: you need to look after your two boys. They need their Mama more than anything right now.'

'I don't know how to help them though,' she whispers back.

Shuffling over to grab hold of her hand, I reply. 'You just have to start and we will all still be here to help if you need it. They need you to hold them again and tell them that it'll get better even if it isn't overnight.'

I never doubted Quinn's love for my daughter or my grandsons, and even though my daughter is struggling I don't doubt her strength and love will get her through this and will help her sons.

'How about we freshen up and go see them?' I propose. If this works Judy will be ecstatic to see Rachel up and moving, the boys will hopefully begin to get their Mama back and I'll know that my daughter is still so very strong.

It takes a bit more prodding but Rachel slides off the bed and stumbles to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her hair.

Watching my daughter walk down the hallway to her two boys brings a tiny grin to my face and I know Quinn will be watching us, smiling that the three most important people in her life are back together again.

* * *

A/N: I hope that helps add another dimension of the loss of Quinn. I'll hopefully have the next chapter completed shortly.


	7. The Training Months

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

**A/N:** I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. It's been hectic down in Aus at the moment. I have this chapter and the next ready to go so look out for the next update!

* * *

Chapter 7: The Training Months  
February, 2022 (Past)**  
**

She was always tired. And it wasn't good tired like when the boys were born and she and Rachel were completely knackered – it was 'I'm about to drop dead' tired. It was still early days into her training and Quinn had enough experience as a soldier to know that being overseas was just another level of tired that she would surely endure at some stage during her time as a soldier again.

All she wants is to go home, curl up with her wife in bed and be woken in the morning by her two little boys. She hates that she sleeps in a cot, that her family are so far away, and most of all, that she is woken by the siren alarm, not the sounds of her giggling children.

Her unit's Basic Training had been fast forwarded to 6 weeks from 10, resulting in four extra weeks of Advanced Individualised Training where they were split for their specialties training. There were nine other people in her unit, including two medical officers, two officers with expensive weapons knowledge, two communication officers, a demolition expert, a team leader and one intelligence plus warrant officer.

There were two things that made Quinn feel a little better – she was not the only girl and she was not the only one with a family waiting impatiently for her to return home. Her two medical personal, Sgt Lauren Saxby and Sgt Ben Cummings, had children although only Lauren was married. Only one of her weapons specialists, Sgt Timothy Hawkes, was married with kids while her other, Sgt Michael Williams was single. Sgt Jacob Monroe and Sgt Daniel Taylor were her communication officers but only Jacob had kids. Sgt Brendan Cole was single and her demolitions expert. Sgt Jayden KcKey was her team leader, second-in-command and leader of the second group when they split up, had a wife waiting at home, while her intelligence and warrant officer, Sgt Samuel Parker, had a serious girlfriend at home expecting their first child.

Quinn knew it was important for her to trust in her unit and to realise that they would have her back, and although they were all getting closer through training she was still a little unsure. Waking up before dawn and going to bed well after nightfall caused sleeping issues that Quinn was sure she had put behind her, and being unable to think clearly as their training was ridiculous meant that all logical thoughts went out the window.

* * *

When their final days of Basic Training Recap came to an end, Quinn and Jayden were moved to a smaller tent in a more secluded area of the base when their higher-ups gave their strict instructions while testing them constantly on the rules, regulations and how they were to react in hypothetical situations.

Jayden left a previous tour three months earlier to come back and get ready for this mission. It was an important mission that they couldn't ignore, but Jayden spoke to Quinn during their downtime in their tent and she could understand his predicament – he was a Sergeant that left his unit on the front lines and it was hard for him to try to forgive himself. As one of his previous unit members in a tour years ago, Quinn knew how dedicated Jayden could be. She respected him for it and knew he would be an excellent team leader and second-in-command for their new mission.

Jayden knew Daniel and Jacob, both of whom went through Basic Training together with Jayden, while Quinn had also worked with Ben and Sam years before and the two men were near experts in their fields. She and Jayden knew the four would be big assets for their deployment. They were all still soldiers except Jacob. Jacob Monroe had retired only a year ago when he found out that one of his ex-girlfriends had given birth to a little girl. Olivia Monroe was the apple of her daddy's eye and Quinn knew exactly what went through Jacob's mind when he left for his daughter. He was forced to re-enlist about the same time as Quinn.

After many conversations, Quinn learnt that the ex-girlfriend that was his daughter's mother decided to move across the country to New York to be closer to her family when she was pregnant and never told him that she was pregnant. When Olivia was eight-months-old, Jacob received a request for a paternity test and child support if it came back positive. When the results arrived, he packed his bags, retired and moved to the coast to be near his daughter.

Quinn respected him for his decision and knew how hard it was to lose the soldier part of himself to make room for the father part. However, there was a lot of respect that went towards to Ben, Lauren, Tim and Sam for being soldiers and parents. Quinn couldn't ever see herself as a soldier _**and **_parent, but she knew there were many out there and they needed their own special awards for being able to leave often and miss many things for their duty, then come back and try to merge back into home life.

* * *

Rachel only ever stayed with Quinn once after deployment and it was very difficult to sleep and connect to the things Rachel found important when she was over-analysing the deaths she had seen and been a part of during her tour. Quinn had to train herself away from 'front fire' mode where she would be constantly in battle, dusting herself off and picking herself up when something went wrong. It was a fear of hers that she wouldn't be able to go back to civilian life once this mission was over.

She had only seen her wife and two boys twice since she had been at training; both times it took everything in her not to cry as she watched her family's faces on the small screen in front of her. Quinn felt like the twins were growing so much without her there to see and she could sense that Rachel wasn't coping as well as she portrayed.

"_How are you guys doing?_" Quinn would ask every few minutes, and every time Rachel would try to smile and reply "_I'd only ever be your army wife, and only once_".

* * *

**A/N: **I don't know anything about army training, especially for special forces. I made it up and used google a fair bit. I hope it makes sense and you like it.

Next chapter – Present!


	8. The Daughter

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

**A/N: **I have gone back and changed a bit on the timeline – the 'Present' chapters now have different months is all. If someone notices the change in the more recent chapters, I have changed all the months that needed to be changed so it should make sense.

* * *

Chapter 8: The Daughter  
September, 2025 (Present)  
Beth Corcoran's P.O.V

I've always known I was adopted. My mom never lied to me about it, plus it was really obvious. My Mom's colouring is really dark while I have pale skin, blonde hair and light hazel eyes. As a kid, whenever I asked why I was adopted Mom would always say 'your birth mom couldn't look after you and I could' – it wasn't until last year that I found out _**everything**_ about my birth parents.

I know that cheerleader Quinn Fabray got pregnant at age sixteen, my age now, to football player Noah "Puck" Puckerman. I know that Noah wasn't Quinn's boyfriend and it dropped her to the bottom of the social pyramid at her high school. I know Noah wanted to keep me. I know Quinn did too but knew she could never do the best for me if she kept me. I know that Noah was the one to choose the name 'Beth'. I know that my Mom has a daughter who was at school with Quinn. I know they weren't very good friends, if they were friends at all. And I know that I planned to meet Quinn and Noah after I turned 18 if they agreed to it.

That will never happen now. I can only ever meet Noah. My birth mother is dead. Mom got a letter from a man called Leroy Berry the other day. It told us how Quinn was a soldier, killed during her last deployment. I don't even remember reading it in the paper – and I read the newspaper every day.

Like most adopted kids, I can't remember a time I never had these images in my head when I'd finally meet my birth parents. For Quinn especially, there were so many things I wanted to ask her and find out. Like what she thought during her pregnancy with me, whether her family know about me (like her other kids if she had any), if she missed me, if she regretted giving me up, and all those things that made her, her. As a child, I imagined her, with Noah, celebrating my birthday with each other. I always had a feeling that they kept in contact with each other because I was a connection they could never forget. I never knew her, not like her family did and for some reason that makes it harder for me to let her go, because I never had her.

Re-reading over the letter that Leroy Berry sent my mother, I turned my music up a bit louder. Mom knew I was upset over Quinn's death but she didn't really understand. It was a weird situation that made barely any sense to me – and I'm right in the middle of it! I don't even know if I have to right to be upset over Quinn's death, technically I haven't seen her since she was in high school.

I flopped back down on my bed and went over the middle paragraphs. I don't know what made Leroy Berry, the man who adopted my Mom's birth-daughter, to think of writing us a letter so we knew. The letter tells that Quinn married my Mom's daughter – I know, what were they thinking?

Quinn and Rachel (my Mom's birth-daughter) married and had twin boys – Braxton and Cooper Fabray. They're only five. I have two half-brothers and according to the letter, Quinn never got the chance to tell them about me. She wanted to tell them when they got a bit older and could understand the situation. I wish I could have been there as she drew a family tree! Too many tangled lines I think.

A tiny knock on my door drew me from my thoughts and I turned over to watch as Mom walked through the door.

"Is it weird that I'm upset even though I didn't know her?" I asked softly. I had so many ideas of who Quinn could be and now she's can't be any of them.

Mom leaned over to stroke my hair back, kissing my temple. "I knew Quinn Fabray and she would have loved you. How could she not? You're a little of her, a little of her friend and a little of me, who is a little of her wife."

I giggled. "How do I ever explain our family? We're a little weird."

"I like to think of it as unique," Mom laughed before she fell quiet.

I curled further into my Mom's side, sighing and breaking the silence. Quinn was the only thing on my brain now. I never got her, or any answers.

"Do I," I paused and looked back at my Mom, "do I have the right to one day ask Rachel if I can talk to her or talk to their two boys?"

Mom stares at me for a long time. I can see her thinking and hold my breath, waiting for her response. "I think Rachel would understand where you're coming from and at some stage she'll be ready for it. You look like Quinn, like so much it scares me sometimes, and Rachel just lost the love of her life. For a long time she won't be strong enough to look at you – you'll bring back an assault of memories."

I nodded and fell quiet again, listening to the lyrics of the songs playing on my stereo.

_We see the sun shining in our face. So come on, come on, we can be saved, the lives we live, the wars we wage, when everyone just tells us how to feel, we're sleeping at the wheel._

_And I, I would give anything, but for the grace of god but I'm here and still aware. We know the end is overrated._

I am sixteen years old and I will never meet my birth mother. But while I mourn the loss of fantasies and possible memories, her wife and sons and family mourn the real her.

I now know that my birth mother was a soldier who retired from soldier life to start a family. I now know that Quinn loved her wife and two boys more than anything. I now know that Quinn would have been an amazing woman to know. I now know how much I regret that I will never know her. I now know that somewhere, anywhere, in America my birth mother is not waiting for the day that I turn 18 and she can get to know me. I now know that somewhere, Quinn's family are dying on the inside without her.

* * *

**A/N: **This isn't the way I wanted this chapter to go, and honestly I don't like it as much as some of the others. But Beth doesn't know Quinn so it makes sense that her chapter is quite different from the others so I'm going to let it go. Don't forget to leave a review.


	9. The Impending Deployment

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

**A/N: **I am so very sorry I haven't updated. Don't think I could apologise enough either. I only just finished my exams and couldn't find any time with assignments and exam study. The last few chapters are complete, finished and ready to is set in the past also.

* * *

Chapter 9: The Impending Deployment  
August, 2023 (Past)  
Braxton P.O.V

When Quinn left for training, Rachel refused to cry. Braxton would see her looking at the photos of Quinn in the hallway, her eyes wet but the tears refusing to fall. There was a weird vibe around the house for the first few weeks as Rachel tried, for all intents and purposes, to get used to being a single parent, and the two boys found themselves with only one mother.

Braxton knew that when his Mommy was home, his Mama worked on the stage most nights so she would slept a bit during the day, but he found out that when his Mommy was gone, his Mama was home the whole time. Rachel put her career on hold as soon as she and Quinn realised exactly what her new re-enlistment would require. It wasn't logical for them to follow Quinn when she'd be in training the whole time and unable to communicate with them before she'd come home for a few nights, just as it wasn't logical for Rachel to work the whole time that Quinn was away. Their two boys had to come first.

Instead of his Mama waking him up then his Mommy getting his breakfast sorted and then helping him get dressed, Braxton came to find that his Mama was doing it all. She woke him up, got him breakfast, helped him get dressed, would play with him, would drop him to pre-school when it was his days to go, she would give him a bath, would cook dinner, would read him a bedtime story, and she would put him to bed every night.

Braxton went to pre-school the first time after Quinn left and it seemed like everyone knew that he didn't have his Mommy at home. It wasn't too bad at pre-school most of the time. Actually, the only time Braxton didn't like it was when Jeremy started telling everyone that his moms were getting divorced. He tried and tried to get the other kids to listen to him but they wouldn't!

Cooper didn't have any more influence on them either. The other kids just kept asking questions like who would they live with, if their Mama was better than their Mommy, and why their Mommy left them.

Braxton took to hiding in the shade. He met Katie, the girl in Miss O'Toole's class, hiding on the shade side of the building. She had long brown hair, bright blue eyes, wore t-shirts with superheroes on them. The reason Braxton spoke to her the first time he saw her was because she was wearing a Batman shirt.

"_Hi," he looked at the girl in front of him. "I'm Braxton."_

_He put his hand out in front of him, the way his Mommy had taught him when introducing himself. The girl smiled at his hand and grabbed it quickly._

"_I'm Katie," she replied. She glanced out to the playground and back to Braxton before speaking. "Why are you over here?"_

"_My Mommy is in the army and went away," he shrugged, "the others thing Mama and Mommy are getting a divorce – but they're not!"_

_He was quick to reassure, making sure that Katie knew his moms weren't getting a divorce no matter what the others thought._

_Katie nodded. "My Daddy is a soldier too. He goes away sometimes but he and Mommy are still married."_

Every lunch while his Mommy was away, Katie and Braxton met in the playground and played for lunch and recess. Katie's dad was overseas and wasn't going to be home for ages. Braxton knew his Mommy would end up overseas, but he didn't want her to be away for years. He already missed her like crazy and couldn't wait til she was home in a few more weeks. His Mama told him that she would be back for seven whole days and he couldn't wait for Mommy cuddles!

He felt sad that Katie wouldn't be getting cuddles from her Daddy for ages. Katie was a good friend and was always willing to play on the swings with him.

The day Braxton's Mommy came home she met him and Cooper at the gate of their pre-school. Her hair was cut short and she was dressed in her army uniform. Braxton hadn't seen his Mommy in her army fatigues before. She looked serious and nothing like when she went to work at the high school. It was cool seeing her as a soldier, but he would prefer her to be a teacher where she never had to leave them for weeks on end.

"_Mommy!" Braxton screamed, running towards her with Katie being dragged behind him. His Mama didn't tell him that Mommy was picking them up. She hadn't even said she'd be home this week._

_Attached to her legs, refusing to let go, Braxton felt his Mommy pull him closer and smile down at him. He looked up and grinned widely at her. He missed her and didn't want her to ever leave again._

"_Who is this?" he heard his Mommy ask and looked to see Katie standing there playing with the straps on her _Avengers_ backpack. She liked Superheroes as much as he did. She even told him that her Daddy and his Mommy were other kinds of superheroes. Braxton liked that idea._

_Braxton let go of his Mommy's leg to hold her hand._

"_This is my new bestest friend, Katie," he grinned, "her Daddy is an army superhero too."_

_Katie looked up shyly and smiled. "Hi, Mrs Fabray"_

"_Hello, Katie," Braxton's Mommy smiled, "how are you today?" She had heard from Rachel that Braxton had a new friend whose Daddy was overseas on his second tour since Katie's birth. Rachel assured her that she had met Katie's mum, Angela, and that they had been on plenty of play dates. Katie lived on the base at Fort Hamilton with her mother and baby brother, and she had been so enamoured with the dogs as she wasn't allowed to have any._

"_Good, thank you," Katie smiled as her mother came up to collect her._

_Braxton watched his Mommy lower Cooper to the ground and shake Angela's hand. The grown-ups spoke for a bit while Cooper and Braxton stayed attached to their Mommy and spoke to Katie, when it was time for them to leave Braxton gave Katie a big hug. "Your Daddy will be home soon, I know it."_

Cooper and Braxton didn't let their Mommy out of sight for the first three days she was home. It wasn't like before though, his Mama and Mommy were even grosser with hugging and kissing. Aunty Tana and Aunty Britt took them for a sleep over for one weekend because his Mama and Mommy had "plans" – that's what Aunty Tana said anyway.

For the weekdays when they were supposed to be at pre-school, Braxton's Mama rang Mrs Colthorpe to say they wouldn't be at school so they could spend time with their Mommy. He was a little worried that they'd get into trouble but Cooper assured him that it was the best thing ever.

On the last day, they spent the day at home watching movies and having Mommy cuddles and playing with the dogs. During dinner their Mama ruined the day.

"Tomorrow morning we have to take Mommy to the airport," Mama told them as they ate dinner. Cooper stopped shovelling spaghetti into his mouth but didn't stop eating all together, while Braxton dropped his fork.

"No."

He didn't throw tantrums, he didn't yell and he didn't argue. Cooper would know when there was something wrong with his brother and throw a tantrum to get their mothers' attention.

His Mama just looked at him, her mouth partially open and eyes wide. Braxton jumped from the table and ran towards his room. Cooper moved first and tugged on his Mommy's arm. "He doesn't want you to leave again."

His Mommy nodded and got up to go find Braxton. Cooper hopped back onto his seat properly and continued to eat his dinner. Spaghetti was his favourite. He knew his Mommy would find Braxton and get him to come back to finish dinner. After dinner they would have a proper talk. It was how things worked now his Mommy was a soldier again.

* * *

**A/N:** I don't like this chapter. It was too choppy; however the ideas circling through my head made it quite difficult to get into a manageable order. I changed the way I wrote it, organised it differently and thought about scrapping it all together but wanted to one that focused more on when Quinn just left, returned, and then about to leave again from Braxton's perspective.


	10. The Accident

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

**A/N:** This is only a short chapter, less than _ words. It's just a bit to show Quinn's last moments. I'll admit that I feel the story needs this chapter, even though I don't think I did it justice, or wrote it well. I'm sorry for the rush and the big gaps between posting – this year at uni is a lot more full on than last!

* * *

Chapter 11: The Accident  
July, 2025 (Past)

They made their way through the small town back towards their site. It was going on dusk and the chance of an attack was getting higher and higher. They had left the other groups a few days ago and had made their way slowly through the countryside, which was more deserted than anywhere Quinn had ever been before. The small town they were hiding in was confirmed to be small enough that it should have been easy to get in, find somewhere to sleep for a night or two before moving on, yet they had found enemy soldiers patrolling some areas around the small area.

Quinn had a bad feeling but wasn't confident enough to voice it to the other soldiers in her group. She needed more evidence before they discussed it. They all had families that were counting on them to get home to them as soon as the mission was over. Only three of them, including Quinn, had been called back to duty, the other two were in their last year of service.

Quinn heard the opposition tanks and moved her team into an abandoned building. Taylor got onto the radio as the others set themselves up to keep watch. Quinn saw where she was standing, a gun in hand and miles away from her family. She just wanted to be home wrapped in her wife's arms with her two boys with her, and the rest of her unit were just as desperate to get home to all their loved ones.

"_Our mission starts soon so I won't be able to skype," Quinn swallowed tightly, "but I'll write every day that I can and will try to post them at any chance."_

_Rachel looked at her wife's face and could see Soldier Quinn taking over from Wife-and-Mother Quinn, and for some reason she was happy to see that. She didn't want Home Quinn to keep Soldier Quinn distracted when she had a job to do – her mission and then get home safely._

"_Just be safe," she paused, "I can look after the fort here if you look after you there."_

_Quinn stared in awe at Rachel, for someone who never wanted to be an Army wife, she sure had stepped into the role. "I love you, don't you ever forget it, and tell the boys their Mommy misses them. I'll be home as soon as physically possible baby, I love you."_

"_And I, you," Rachel whispered back._

_With a last glance at each other, the computer screens turned black, shoving the two women into their now-separate worlds._

Ever since she got that letter Quinn started to regret her promises to Rachel of leaving the army behind. She saw the damage that deployments did to families, even when the soldier and their family knew all the facts before committing. Plenty of her fellow soldiers were without their children now that the army intervened. What would happen to her and Rachel when she got back? Would it influence her relationship with her two boys, knowing what she did over here while they were safe at home?

Braxton himself had grabbed at her from behind the rails at the airport and has cried out, hoping that his Mommy would be able to stay with him. She was thankful for his new friendship with Katie, and how it gave support to Rachel through Angela and her experience as an Army wife and mother.

"Boss?" came the voice of Taylor, "we just got word from the others – they're safe and ready to go on our signal."

Quinn nodded and looked to Williams, Cummings and Parker, their eyes darting across the landscape in front of them. "We'll find our position and get set up. No mistakes today."

Parker moved out first as he had the layout of the town memorised and Quinn could trust he knew exactly what they were going into. Quinn followed behind him, Taylor to her right, Cummings to her left and Williams at the rear. Slowly but sure they made their way through the shadows right into the centre of town. Parker estimated they were two minutes away from their ideal spot when it went to hell. Quinn was the enter the building first, Parker right behind her and the other three keeping watch until it was cleared.

The first thing she noticed was the double click as she pushed the door open. Holding onto the handle tightly, hoping to keep it from hitting that last pressure point that would set it off, she turned to her team. "Move back two blocks. Get out and meet up with McKey as soon as you can."

Taylor, Williams and Parker moved first, Cummings taking longer. "Can't leave you, Boss. Rachel will have our hides!"

"Cummings," she swore, "this is an order. Move out."

Quinn knew that the mechanism connected to the door would go in a few seconds even if the third pressure point wasn't triggered. She took a deep breath and slowly moved from the door, taking a few steps back and trying to see if there was anywhere for cover.

There was an overturned car approximately five metres to her left. Dropping her pack, she dove for it as the building blew up, throwing rubble and debris into the street and other buildings. She rolled over behind the car and could see she had burns up majority of her body, her clothes were flaming, and blood was coming from a head wound and a large gash down her leg. Quinn looked down to see blood pooling through her shirt. Her stomach was bleeding profusely and from a quick look, a bit of shrapnel must have lodged itself somewhere in her abdomen. She rolled in the dirt until the flames left her clothes, wishing for the pain to go.

"Fabray! Answer us, Boss!" Cummings. The little shit hadn't listened to her.

She shook her head and pushed herself to crawl around the car. "Cummings; you idiot!"  
Cummings and Williams were slowly making their way back, hoping not to be ambushed. As soon as they could see it was safe, they ran towards their boss. Cummings started to assess her injuries with Williams covering them. "Fuck, Boss. Can't do anything half-assed, can you?"

Quinn grinned. "What do you think?"

Cummings wrapped her head and got her leg under control but was having troubles with her stomach injury. "We got to get you out of here. I'll radio the other two to come help. Don't argue, Boss, we're taking you home to your boys."

Quinn wanted to fight him, wanted to tell him to send a search and rescue squad who were better equipped and less fatigued, but it all flew out of her mind when Cummings mentioned her two boys. Braxton and Cooper. The two she swore she'd fight for.

It took a while, but slowly they made their way to the outskirts of town, all the while Cummings and Parker taking most of her weight. She passed out within a block and the blood staining her uniform only got worse the further they got from the accident site.

"She's not good, is she Cummings?" Parker whispered over their fallen 'Boss'.

Cummings didn't want to give up hope, but unless they got somewhere safe and he could get a proper look at whatever damage was in her abdomen, then they were going to have some big issues. He knew Quinn wanted to get home and he wanted to get home just as badly. He had his own children waiting for him at home, although he wasn't the one bleeding out, nor was his head bandaged, his leg taped closed, or half his body burnt. He would get his 'Boss' home, even if she wouldn't survive, she deserved to get home.

* * *

**A/N:** There is only one chapter left. It is the final 'Present' chapter. Keep an eye out, it should be up within a few days. Kflem.  
I cannot apologise any more for how university and the new Trimester system has caused many problems with my ability to find to write. I also have no idea how to write a death scene, particularly of someone in battle so just know her wounds were extreme.


	11. The End

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

**A/N:** This is it. The last chapter of the Soldier. Thank you to everyone who followed it and bugged me to finish it so I always found time with the hectic life of University, College life, and sport. I hope this is a good enough end.

* * *

Chapter 11: The End  
May, 2025 (Present)  
Rachel P.O.V

I slipped out of the house, asking Santana and Brittney to stay with the boys for an hour or so. I think Santana was more that happy to let me come and see my wife's grave.

Grave.

Fuck.

Does anyone ever get used to the fact that their partner is dead and buried? I'm sure I won't ever get used to the fact that I won't see her again. It makes me worry that Braxton and Cooper are going to grow up too quickly now that Quinn is gone. They seem to be taking her instructions to 'look after' me too seriously. I've heard of military kids who have major difficulties transitioning to life without their soldier parent. Cooper has begun to shut himself away from everyone but family, and even then, he's been a little cold towards us too. Braxton, on the other hand, has been refusing to sleep until I promise to go straight to bed after him, and a few times I have caught him coming to check on me during the night. It isn't hard to miss him when I spend most of the night holding Quinn's pillow, wearing one of her shirts and crying. I just want her back in my arms.

These past few days I've started to worry that I'll one day forget my wife, how she made me smile, how she made me laugh, how she made me feel as if I was the only woman in the world, and especially how she looked. Braxton, Cooper and I spend time together talking about their Mommy and staring at photos of her. I don't want to one day close my eyes and only see a blur where I used to see her face.

I slowly move through the gates of the cemetery and down the rows until I find the one I'm looking for. The military section where they placed my wife. She will stay here forever while I continue to go through all the motions and emotions of living without her. We won't grow old together, we won't watch our boys grow up, we won't watch them graduate, marry or have their own kids. We won't be able to do a lot of things now because I'll be doing them solo.

"I was never planning on coming here," I whisper to the stone that holds her name. _Lucy Q Fabray. SGT. US Army. 08.16.1993 – 07.15.2025. Loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend._ I heard from Jayden it was hard for them to vary from the universal Army headstone. "But I guess you knew that, huh? You always knew me a little too well. I could never keep anything from you. I don't know how the woman I'm still so in love with can't be here. I know you know that'll I'll love you for my whole life. You're my real love, the one who will always be in my heart no matter what. We have a family, we will always have this family together, and I thank you for our two little boys. I wouldn't be here without them."

A sob escapes my lips and I try to bury the rest of them as I reach forward to trace the letters of her name. "I miss you. God, I miss you so much. You should be here. I asked you to come back, I begged you baby, and I know you would have fought for us, I have never doubted that fact."

Jayden told me what Cummings did, how he and Williams ignored direct orders to come back for her, to bring her home whether she was alive and injured or if it was just her body for us to put to rest. Not only did Quinn fight to come home, but her unit members also fought for her to come back to us.

I close my eyes and try to remember Quinn's face, grabbing hold of her dog tags and the second set we got made for me that hang around my neck. The way her lips curved when she smiled, the way her eyes shined with love every time she looked at me, the way her voice changed when she sang, the way she played with the boys whenever she got the chance. "I'll be yours forever Quinn, just as you'll be mine."

I shuffle closer to the grave and play with the grass. "I wish I could have said goodbye, like a proper goodbye where I told you how much you meant to me before it was too late. When I said goodbye when you were deployed I always thought you would come back to us. I now realise how much I need you to get through the day. Sometimes I forget you aren't just overseas and will do something that I tell myself to remember to tell you next time I speak to you, except I can't, can I?"

I wipe away the tears that start to fall and kiss a single rose before placing it down in front of me. "The boys never settle without listening to those recordings of your voice, over and over. We all think of you every day, and I include everyone here. Your mum, Frannie, Robert, my dads, Santana, Brittney, Kurt, Blaine, all the kids, me."

I take a deep breath and try to find the words. Quinn and I rarely spoke about Beth, just that one day Quinn would let her get to know us if she so wished. "Santana gave me Beth's letter. I didn't even think about her baby, and I'm so sorry. I was so wrapped up with me and our boys – my Daddy was the one to send her a letter explaining what happened," I lowered my head. "I'll get in contact with her when she's 18 and give her the letter, I'll tell the boys about her when they're older like we agreed, and I'll give them the chance to know each other. She's another little part of you somewhere."

I wrap my head around the memories of my wife, my best friend, and feel my lips tug at the sides. Kissing my fingers like Frannie did at the funeral weeks ago, I gently touch her gravestone again. "I think I've always loved you Lucy Quinn, even when we were back at McKinley, and I most definitely always will. You're my girl."

She'll always be mine.

The End.

* * *

A/N: Story is complete. Thank you to whoever has made it to the end. And I am so very sorry to those who wanted a large twist at the end where Quinn survived, unfortunately that was never part of the plan..  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favourite'd and followed the story. I think this is my longest story to date and I enjoyed writing it, even if it took longer to finish than first anticipated. Kflem.


End file.
